Okay so I might have been called anal before. Often people have said I have a knack for organizing. I have been told I have an "A" type personality. It has even been said I am OCD, about certain things. Or just obsessed with having certain things done MY way. So yes I admit I am a control freak. I can see where some things I do might come off as 'over the top' for some people. My main control freak issue is about house cleaning. Yes, there are more areas where I might be a control freak but probably not as noticeable. And you could either share this same control freak issue or have a completely different one (we will talk about that more later).
How do you know if you might have a control problem, you might ask? Lets look at this humorous questionnaire I made up, to see if you might be a control freak too.
How to tell if You Might be a Control Freak ...
- Is spring cleaning for every season of the year (not just spring) and maybe every month?
- Do you get anxious or worry about things being done (ex.: cleaning house has to be done up to your par) especially before visitors are coming over?
- Do you break out in hives, or start to itch (or any other physical symptoms) when things seem out of control? Aka not done correctly or not to your level of acceptance?
- Is your last thought at night your to-do list for tomorrow?
- Do you make a detail list for someone else if they have to do a task you normally do yourself?
- Is it hard to let someone else (even a spouse, child, or close friend) do something for you, like a chore, because you worry if it will be done correctly?
- Do you find yourself often saying. "that's good but next time you should try it this way?"
- Do you volunteer to direct or lead something so you can make decisions on how things are done?
- Do you have a daily, weekly, and monthly chore/to-do list (written or not)?
If you read that and are thinking doesn't everyone do those things (or most), you might be a control freak.
Have you heard, 'you know we are close friends when I don't clean before you come over'? I say let's revamp that into something like, 'because we are such good friends I always clean before you come over'.
Don't get me wrong with 4 kids my house can go from clean to dirty in minutes! All it takes is for them each to have a potty break, share a meal, and 5 minutes of play time and I start to wonder, "Why do I bother?" But I know underneath that cluttered surface the house is clean. And when we are expecting people over it is an all day cleaning event.
There are some positive things to say about a house that is kept clean. When people come over I know appearances make an impression. And I want one of those impressions to be something like, 'man she has a lot of kids but still manages to keep her house clean,' or 'wow I wish my house was this clean.' Keeping a clean house for our children as well as any visiting children, helps prevent any illness from spreading. Because, what parent wants to go to a house that their kids keep getting sick after visiting? We are also teaching them that whatever the Lord blesses us with (toys, clothes, the house we live in etc.) we should take good care of them.
I might be a control freak about my house, but I have come to realize many people who have made a comment about my control issue has some of their own. Let's see if any of these areas might strike accord with you.
- How clean and well kept your vehicle is. I know people who have to frequently have their vehicle cleaned from the inside out on a regular basis. And even have to have a new vehicle every 2 years or so, because any older they might start having problems.
- Homeschool routine/schedule. Don't get me wrong I think routine/schedule is needed for every homeschool, but there are some who you might think carry it a little too far. Like if they have to fit all the curriculum they bought into the school year. Or if they just have to do school so many hours and/or days a week.
- Squeaky clean computer, but their house is a total mess. Especially those who might work on a computer for a living. They have everything broken down into folders all neatly labeled and separated. Gotta have the latest computer gadget.
- Your kids. From what they wear, to what they do, where they go, who they are friends with etc.
I am sure there are more but those are the ones I often see. No judgement here, I know I have my own issues to worry about. I just want to bring to your attention we all might have a hint of control issues.
Over the years I have come up with some ways to maintain my control issue over the house while still having four rambunctious kids. One main thing is I believe in a set controlled free-time. So I schedule or allow certain times of complete free play or for special crafty/mess during the day. I love crafts, but when I think of doing them with my kids I quickly start to feel overwhelmed. I now have learned preparation can prevent most of my anxiety. First, I plan on what we want to do, all materials needed, and a convenient time (like when the youngest is down for a nap). Then I think of precautions like settings. If we are going to paint, I make sure they are in clothes I do not care if they get dirty in. Or a location that will be easy to clean up if the craft ends up all over the floor. After craft time is over, we clean everything up and put away all materials, and it all goes neatly back onto the craft bookshelf.
We will usually double up on school work one day so I can have one full day a week to clean the house. That goes beyond just sweeping, vacuum, and dishes. Because my kids are young, they are still limited on what they can really help with. That allows me not to work so hard to day a whole day worth of school and cleaning in one day. It also helps me not to do everything and make sure I enlist the kids into pulling their own load of chores.
As for ALL THE TOYS that seem never ending, we usually do a one to two time a day pick up. Our morning routine starts with breakfast, while kids watch one to two episodes of cartoons. I take care of baby and get my coffee, then try to start a load of laundry. Then we start with school work. The middle two get more frequent breaks for play time. Which means by the end of the day toys are everywhere. At this point I am not stressed. Now when our school day is done they pick up. Toys and other miscellaneous things are to be put up. We have a game/toy room, a tub and place for everything (except one baby tub down stairs). I do not request that they put everything in its proper place at that particular time. But just put in a tub is fine, on our weekly clean we will go through everything and separate them if needed. This allows them to have adventurous play time and fairly easily pick up on a day-to-day basis. It's not my detailed idea of clean, but allows me not to be so anxious or on the brink of a melt down everyday.
Verse for today is Matthew 6:34(NIV) 'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'
Next post will be Confession: I'm a Control Freak Part 2, I'll discuss how that played into our homeschool life.
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