Confession: I'm a Control Freak Part 1

    
Okay so I might have been called anal before. Often people have said I have a knack for organizing. I have been told I have an "A" type personality. It has even been said I am OCD, about certain things. Or just obsessed with having certain things done MY way. So yes I admit I am a control freak. I can see where some things I do might come off as 'over the top' for some people. My main control freak issue is about house cleaning. Yes, there are more areas where I might be a control freak but probably not as noticeable. And you could either share this same control freak issue or have a completely different one (we will talk about that more later).

How do you know if you might have a control problem, you might ask? Lets look at this humorous questionnaire I made up, to see if you might be a control freak too.

How to tell if You Might be a Control Freak ...

- Is spring cleaning for every season of the year (not just spring) and maybe every month?
- Do you get anxious or worry about things being done (ex.: cleaning house has to be done up to your par) especially before visitors are coming over?
- Do you break out in hives, or start to itch (or any other physical symptoms) when things seem out of control? Aka not done correctly or not to your level of acceptance?
- Is your last thought at night your to-do list for tomorrow?
- Do you make a detail list for someone else if they have to do a task you normally do yourself?
- Is it hard to let someone else (even a spouse, child, or close friend) do something for you, like a chore, because you worry if it will be done correctly?
- Do you find yourself often saying. "that's good but next time you should try it this way?"
- Do you volunteer to direct or lead something so you can make decisions on how things are done?
- Do you have a daily, weekly, and monthly chore/to-do list (written or not)?

If you read that and are thinking doesn't everyone do those things (or most), you might be a control freak.

Have you heard, 'you know we are close friends when I don't clean before you come over'? I say let's revamp that into something like, 'because we are such good friends I always clean before you come over'.

Don't get me wrong with 4 kids my house can go from clean to dirty in minutes! All it takes is for them each to have a potty break, share a meal, and 5 minutes of play time and I start to wonder, "Why do I bother?" But I know underneath that cluttered surface the house is clean. And when we are expecting people over it is an all day cleaning event.

There are some positive things to say about a house that is kept clean. When people come over I know appearances make an impression. And I want one of those impressions to be something like, 'man she has a lot of kids but still manages to keep her house clean,' or 'wow I wish my house was this clean.' Keeping a clean house for our children as well as any visiting children, helps prevent any illness from spreading. Because, what parent wants to go to a house that their kids keep getting sick after visiting? We are also teaching them that whatever the Lord blesses us with (toys, clothes, the house we live in etc.) we should take good care of them.

I might be a control freak about my house, but I have come to realize many people who have made a comment about my control issue has some of their own. Let's see if any of these areas might strike accord with you.

- How clean and well kept your vehicle is. I know people who have to frequently have their vehicle cleaned from the inside out on a regular basis. And even have to have a new vehicle every 2 years or so, because any older they might start having problems.
- Homeschool routine/schedule. Don't get me wrong I think routine/schedule is needed for every homeschool, but there are some who you might think carry it a little too far. Like if they have to fit all the curriculum they bought into the school year. Or if they just have to do school so many hours and/or days a week.
- Squeaky clean computer, but their house is a total mess. Especially those who might work on a computer for a living. They have everything broken down into folders all neatly labeled and separated. Gotta have the latest computer gadget.
- Your kids. From what they wear, to what they do, where they go, who they are friends with etc.

I am sure there are more but those are the ones I often see. No judgement here, I know I have my own issues to worry about. I just want to bring to your attention we all might have a hint of control issues.

Over the years I have come up with some ways to maintain my control issue over the house while still having four rambunctious kids. One main thing is I believe in a set controlled free-time. So I schedule or allow certain times of complete free play or for special crafty/mess during the day. I love crafts, but when I think of doing them with my kids I quickly start to feel overwhelmed. I now have learned preparation can prevent most of my anxiety. First, I plan on what we want to do, all materials needed, and a convenient time (like when the youngest is down for a nap). Then I think of precautions like settings. If we are going to paint, I make sure they are in clothes I do not care if they get dirty in. Or a location that will be easy to clean up if the craft ends up all over the floor. After craft time is over, we clean everything up and put away all materials, and it all goes neatly back onto the craft bookshelf.

We will usually double up on school work one day so I can have one full day a week to clean the house. That goes beyond just sweeping, vacuum, and dishes. Because my kids are young, they are still limited on what they can really help with. That allows me not to work so hard to day a whole day worth of school and cleaning in one day. It also helps me not to do everything and make sure I enlist the kids into pulling their own load of chores.

As for ALL THE TOYS that seem never ending, we usually do a one to two time a day pick up. Our morning routine starts with breakfast, while kids watch one to two episodes of cartoons. I take care of baby and get my coffee, then try to start a load of laundry. Then we start with school work. The middle two get more frequent breaks for play time. Which means by the end of the day toys are everywhere. At this point I am not stressed. Now when our school day is done they pick up. Toys and other miscellaneous things are to be put up. We have a game/toy room, a tub and place for everything (except one baby tub down stairs). I do not request that they put everything in its proper place at that particular time. But just put in a tub is fine, on our weekly clean we will go through everything and separate them if needed. This allows them to have adventurous play time and fairly easily pick up on a day-to-day basis. It's not my detailed idea of clean, but allows me not to be so anxious or on the brink of a melt down everyday.

Verse for today is Matthew 6:34(NIV) 'Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'

Next post will be Confession: I'm a Control Freak Part 2, I'll discuss how that played into our homeschool life.
 

Identity Part 6: Religious Belief

My faith is so intertwined with my life. It sheds light into the dark corners. Hope when I'm hopeless. Strength when I'm jaded. Leads me onto the path of righteousness when I stray. The standards in which I strive to live by, and what make up my morals. A big part of  why we homeschool, and how we raise our kids.

This is the simplest way I love to share my faith.

ABC's of Faith

A-ADMIT, you are a sinner. We need to admit our sins to God and repent, turn away from them. No human is perfect, and even after we become Christians we will still sin.
Romans 3:23(NIV) 'for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.'

B-BELIEVE, Jesus is God's son sent to earth to die on the cross for our sins. It takes more faith to be an Atheist (to believe in no God, and no purpose of life) than to believe in God.
John 3:16(NIV) 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.'

C-CONFESS, your belief in God (often in prayer). When you trust in God, he will give you a new life.
Romans 10:9-10(NIV) 'That is you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.'
2 Corinthians 5:17(NIV) 'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.'

Now if you have done that you are saved, you are essentially a Christian! I compare becoming a new believer to being in a life boat, saved. But now what, what else is there here on earth until we await our divine appointment?!?

Spiritual Growth! I know your next question, how do we do that? You talk to him, in prayer. Listen to him; could be in a prayer, through scripture, in a vision or a dream, or the Holy Spirit (which is inside of you once you are saved) can tug on your heart to make a decision or take an action. Study his word, and follow through when he tells you to do something; like serving. You grow through trials and test. You learn from your consequences from sin, and make better decisions. Think about is like this, how well would your relationship be with your spouse if you only communicated once a week? Or if you are in college and have to take an exam, and you only open your book the day of the exam.

Spiritual growth takes self-discipline. You have to choose to daily spend time in scripture and prayer. Eventually you find yourself making more of the right choices, instead of the wrong. It takes time. God slowly reviles the sin in your life so you can become pure. Holy, set apart from this world. That is why you can read the same passage of scripture and get a different meaning or understanding each time. Through God's revision and trails we become spiritually mature.

1 Peter 2:1-3(NIV) 'Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.'

Colossians 1:10(NIV) 'And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.'

Name: Jamie
Occupation: Mom
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Female
Residence: Small Town
Hobbies: Scrapbooking, Reading, Sewing, and Blogging
Religious Belief: Christian (Christ-Follower)

In going over all of these I hope you claim your identity and find confidence in yourself, where ever you are in your personal life. 

Identity Part 5: Hobbies

     One might think, "when does a mom of 4 (or of any number of young children) have time for hobbies?" My choice of time is at night when kids are in bed, when Dad is home entertaining them, or sometimes they can join in!

Scrapbooking: I love pictures! To me a picture is truly worth a thousand words. I as well as many other moms will make their first born a baby book. In my baby books I captured some family genealogy, history of their name origin, fun facts about siblings and of course pictures from birth to about one year old. I think most of you would agree it was fairly easy to make a scrapbook for the first child, but much more daunting to make one for baby #2, #3, or even in my case baby #4. I strongly encourage you to keep at it, even if your youngest is a teenager and you can only manage one page a month. What an amazing gift to pass on to your child when they begin their own family. Eventually I want to make a keep-sake scrapbook for each one, of all those beautiful art work and hand made cards throughout the years. But as for now my youngest recently turned one and I am about half way done with his baby book.

The cover page of each of my 4 boy's baby book!

Reading: For me, this hobby is a passion with a bumpy start. When I was in kindergarten through first grade (the time when most kids learn and start to read) I had only memorized enough words to get by. I vividly remember the teacher quickly going through the alphabet and their sounds, all the other kids seemed to flawlessly chime in with her as I blankly stared. I was overwhelmed trying to remember all the sounds, rules, and exceptions. Sounding out words were hopeless. I would often mix up 'b' with 'd' and 'P' with '9'. Combining words when I was writing like, 'forth e' instead of 'for the' or 'the nd' instead of 'the end'. In the middle of first grade, I was diagnosed with dyslexia. Luckily I did not have to fail a grade, but had to take extra classes that would help with dyslexia and work over summer to catch up. Finally by third grade my reading level was the same as my peers. As many of you know you don't just stop having dyslexia, you learn different ways or tricks to help you. One of the greatest tricks, for me, was to read more! The more I read, the more I saw how words were suppose to be written. My vocabulary increased as well as my passion for books. I agree it is not easy to make time to read with little ones, but it is always worth it. I catch a few minutes of reading outside while watching the kids play. I definitely get in some reading with homeschooling, reading endless children books to them and all the teachers manuals. My favorite time is when kids are in bed until my eyes can no longer stay open.

My personal collection of books I've read so far this year.

Sewing: My newest interest. I have since a young child known (as I think every boy and girl should learn) how to sew up holes in my socks or shirt. About two years ago I got my first sewing machine. I've only made a handful of things; t-shirt skirt, boppy cover, fitted crib sheet, baby blanket, and a kitchen certain. As well as re-sew blanket hems or other small hem jobs. Each one was very rewarding, but without having a personal teacher it has not been as easy as I imagined. I am still determined to make each child a quilt from old baby clothes and other precious projects to treasure forever!

Baby's crib sheet and blanket. I tried it on toddler bed, at time I didn't have the crib set up.

     Hobbies can change over time, or fade out. But it definitely speaks to who you are and what you enjoy. In the past I've enjoyed sketching and writing poems. But as time is fleeting my hobbies have changed. In the future I wish to add painting and gardening to my hobby list. Of course, one of my hobbies now is blogging. I enjoy writing out my thoughts as I hope they reach others in need of encouragement, a laugh, or inspiration.

     Philippians 4:13 (NIV) "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Don't know about you, but I needed to recite this verse and keep it close to me today!

Name: Jamie
Occupation: Mom
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Female
Residence: Small Town
Hobbies: Scapbooking, Reading, Sewing, and Blogging.

Next post will be the last of this series of Identity, I hope you have enjoyed it!

Identity Part 4: Residence

     I know you are thinking, "what does residence have to do with identity?" I believe you will find yourself falling into one of these four categories: small town girl, small town girl living in a big city, city girl or a city girl living in a small town. You follow?!?
     When I got married, and until recently, I was a small town girl living in a big city. For years I often pleaded with my husband to consider moving outside of the city. Maybe not exactly the same small town he grew up in (which is also where we meet), but somewhere between city and small town. He insisted all the jobs would be in a big city, so it only made sense we lived close by.
     Almost 8 years of marriage and 4 kids later, we were making plans for the purchase of our first home. Obviously living in a 2 bedroom and 2 bath apartment just was not going to cut it much longer. Next logical step was to rent or to buy a home. And reasonably one of the first questions we started asking ourselves was what location.  Before I even said a word he said, "I'm ready to get back to my southern comfort zone." Needless-to-say he still works in the big city, but with a 45 minute commute he is back to small town living! 
     Now mind you, we don't have any cattle or farm, but we have plenty of space for kids to run around. We love the bright stars at night. Being able to have our own fire going, and hearing the howling of the coyotes in the distance is just one of the luxuries. Boys have their own digging hole in backyard. Lightening bugs in spring. We often spend nice days outside as much as possible doing things around the house, or like recently clearing out our creek. When I wake up and look out my kitchen window I see cardinals and blue jays playing in the yard. For us it is like a little piece of heaven. Eventually I would love to have a few chickens and a small garden (don't worry I'll be sure to capture those adventures in a post!).
     As expected in a small town it has its down sides, like how fast news travels. We are still new and it takes awhile to get to know people. For parts around here there are about three important things; family, church and sports. Home is where the heart is.

Joshua 24:15b (NIV) "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

Name: Jamie
Occupation: Mom
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Female
Residence: Small Town

                                                                        Our first fire!

                                                          Sam playing in the little creek.

                                            Josh got to be the first on our new tire swing!
                                        

Southwest Chicken Salad

Ingredients:

2 boneless skinless chicken breast
Lemon Pepper seasoning
1 package of Italian dressing mix
2 tsp of lemon juice
2 tbsp of water
2 tbsp of white vinegar
1 (15 oz) can of black beans
1 (15 oz) can of corn
1 cucumber
1 tomato
2 kiwi
1 bag of premade salad (I like the ones with multiple types of lettuce, carrots, and cabbage)

Toppings:

Shredded cheese (about 1 cup)
Croutons
Salad Dressing (My husband and I like Catalina and our kids like Ranch)

Directions:

First I cut the chicken into 1 in cubes. Cook them
in pan over stove top and add lemon pepper.
About a teaspoon. Cook until white.
 

Once it is cooked, you can set it aside in a medium bowl.



Next I cut up the kiwi, tomato, and cucumber.
I like them bite size. But however you prefer is
fine. Then add them to the bowl with the
cooked chicken.

Then I pour out the can of black beans and corn
into a strainer, rinse them off. And them to the
bowl with cooked chicken.


Now add the 2 tbsp of water, 2 tbsp of white vinegar, 2 tsp of lemon juice and the package of Italian dressing mix into the medium bowl. Stir well.


Put the bag of premade salad into a large bowl.
Add all the medium bowl on top and mix.  

Salad is ready, now add your favorite toppings. We added some cheese, croutons, and Catalina dressing.


This is my hubs favorite salad! Enjoy, and add some of your favorites to make it your own!

Identity Part 3: Gender (Female, duh!)

     Female ... Duh! Although in this house that is nothing to snicker at! By all means, I do not claim to be a girly-girl. On the other hand, my life is full of sports (practices, games, watching sports on TV etc.), dirt, fighting, superheros, a sea of blue and any and all boy stuff. So much so I have to remind myself I do enjoy painting my nails, attempting to 'dress up' occasionally, wear make-up (which usually consist of eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss) and every once in awhile a hang out with another female! I think for all females this is important, go out with a sister, mom, friend, church group etc. every once in awhile.
     This just happens to be one of those rare occasions. My friend and I our celebrating our birthdays with a GNO (Girls Night Out)! So don't think this happens often. But to ensure it happens more often than not, we have made a pact to have a GNO once a month. Our birthdays are months apart, but due to weather and other schedule conflicts we are combining them into one night with a pedicure and a nice dinner (and of course going to stores to see what we can find that we might not get to do with kiddos).

     First picture is of our pedicures, matching colors of course!
 

     This is us, we are just browsing at a store to see what screams "buy us" as we wait until dinner time!

     As with the many labels in our lives right now I think this is the one most often we neglect. Not saying we need to drop everything so we can go out all the time. But it should be on occasion we can leave our kids and spend a little time with other women. To simply enjoy the fact that we are women, pamper yourself every so often because you deserve it! We do not even go get pedicures often (this was the second time in my life!), our favorite place to go to is Half Price Books! It can be inexpensive, watch a chick-flick or go window shopping somewhere the men in your life would not likely go with you.

Name: Jamie
Occupation: Mom
Marital Status: Married
Gender: Female (duh)

This section is called 'The Wife of Noble Character' Proverbs (all NIV) 31: 10-31. I'm going to highlight a few of my favorite verses that speak out to me.

v. 10-12 'A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.'

v. 15 'She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.'

v.17 'She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her task.'

v. 26 'She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.'

v.28 'Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.'

v.30 'Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.'

Identity Part 2: Marital Status

     In this season of my life I feel like I have so many titles over my head, like; mom, wife, woman, homeschooler, cook, maid, chauffeur etc. ... I almost feel lost in the web of titles and their responsibilities. Anyone else out there feel caught in the same web?! I don't want to lose the love and the person I am, because I am trying to fulfill all these titles. I want to enjoy life's little moments and at the end of the day still have some sanity left!
     Today's topic is about the title of being someone's spouse, a wife in my case. Might I add, thank the Lord I am not raising these 4 boys on my own (single moms ROCK!)! Thank you Lord for bringing me a companion. I could go on and on, but lets stop and reflect on this passage before we continue. It is one of my favorite.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
'There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time to for war and a time for peace.'

     To give you some personal history, my husband (Travis) and I got married on our 3 year anniversary and have been married now for a little over 9 years. This passage doesn't just speak about marriage but it certainly can apply. Speaking of seasons, I think marriage in its own has a few.

Season 1: Puppy Love (as my granny would call it)
     Almost a love but more based on physical chemistry and impressions. You know when you would spontaneously buy them gifts, for no reason other than you loved them. Write love letters and stare endlessly into each others eyes.

Season 2: In Love
     Oh newly weds, aren't they refreshing to see. Still learning each others little quirks. Like how OCD your wife is about cleaning (especially bathrooms) or how your husband leaves his clothes where ever he changes (side of bed, bathroom floor, closet but puts them in wrong laundry basket...). Yet there is still that spark of fire. Holding hands, date nights or other romantic gestures.

Season 3: Real Love
     And there is the love that multiplies... well for us it did! This is the season we are in now. I still remember those date nights, but now they are few and far in-between. Our usual date night now consist of the kids being in bed, watching a movie, and making some late night snack. The love letters have turned into honey to-do list. And there are several little hands in-between ours. Yes, it's busy and crazy but we know this is only for a season.

     These seasons have no set time frame in which they occur. For some it could be but a few short months and others could be years. And yes there are seasons of pain or distance, but these too are just a season and shall pass. So what's the next season of marriage ... Managing Teen Boys, Empty Nest, or something with Adventure in the title??? Honestly I do not know, but I anxiously await.

Name: Jamie 
Occupation: Mom
Marital Status: Married