10 Blissful Years of Marriage: Part 2

10 years ago ...

Some of these things we learned early on, and some did come later. Either way, by keeping these things in mind to avoid it has significantly helped us!

5 things we Keep Out of our Marriage:

1.) Playing with fire. Have you ever heard, 'don't play with fire, or you'll get burn'? You can't toy with temptation and not expect to get tempted. I don't think its too far fetch to imagine a spouse cheating when they are often going to bars, clubs, or hanging out a lot with the opposite sex. There have been times when one of us has hanged out with co-workers, or college friends, with out the other, but that is the exception not the rule. Girls (or guys) if you text your guy (or girl) BFF about stuff you won't reveal to your spouse, you are asking for trouble. Also we have made a point that if the other ask us to respectively un-friend or stop talking to someone, we do it! A 'friend' is not worth the fight. Which if you ask me there is just certain common rules you have to have when having friends that are the opposite sex. But that is strictly just me. I do think that whatever you and your spouse agree on for boundary lines with opposite sex friends, you should follow them respectively.

Matthew 26:41 (NKJV, as well as all the others) 'Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.'

(Here are some more verses that speak about this 1 Corinthians 6:18, and Proverbs 6:27-29)

2.) Bad advise. Everyone has advise; about parenthood, life, success, finance, marriage, career ... But as my father-in-law put it 'you don't take financial advise from someone who is going broke.' Seek older couples that seem to be happy (I say 'seem' because we all have flaws). Go to marriage conferences, read studies together, and pray together. But please don't listen to your co-worker about marriage when he is one wife two and seemingly unhappy with their marriage. Or take advise from your friend that seems to do nothing but complain about their spouse. Also guard your lips, don't speak ill of your spouse. At the bottom I'll list some books we have done and enjoyed.

Proverbs 19:20-21 'Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days. There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel-- that will stand.'

3.) Culture views. Wow I could go on and on about this ... Lets just say that the world's view and God's view of marriage is strikingly different. The world says 'I love you, until xyz (may it be bankruptcy, adultery, slander, or just when until I get tired of you).' God looks at marriage like He looks at the church, how many times have we seen the church fail?! (Look at Ephesians 5:2-33) Don't get me wrong there are certain things that permit divorce in God's word. My point is now people take it for a salt of grain and throw it over their shoulder. Marriage takes effort people, a lot! The hope is at some point it gets easier. I think I'm getting a glimpse of that now, but I know the road ahead of us is long.

Romans 12:2 'And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed be the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.'

4.) Anger. Truly there is no room for anger or bitterness when trying to love someone. Holding that emotion against your spouse does not allow you to love them fully, and will eventually seep out into other aspects of your life. Bring up the past is another way of holding a grudge, and you can't move forward or grow when you keeping going back (to whatever you won't let go). If something is bothering you don't let it get to your boiling point. Talk about it, tell your spouse why it bothers you and work on an prevention measures if necessary.

Proverbs 15:1 'A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word turns up anger.'

5.) "It's all about Me' syndrome. You know the I have to have it my way, when I say, and how I like it type. Or the it's all about what I want to do. What I am interested in, does it please me, am I happy. When one of you (and sometimes we take turns!) have this mind set it can often leave the other spouse left out, alone, or even mad. There are times when one of us needs to escape or spends time on our self, that helps build up our self and/our marriage or just for plain sanity reasons! I often go shopping and run errands with all four kids (mind you I am with them pretty much all the time), and some times it is a huge relief to go grocery shopping by myself. A couple of months ago my husband went to a men's conference with his father and brother. We all have hobbies and interest, but be careful they don't take over all your time! Lets say you like to golf (mind you there is nothing wrong with golf) you go every Saturday to golf which takes at least 4 hours, this coming Saturday you miss your kids game because it was during your 'you' time. Are you then putting yourself over your family? Not to say missing one game of your child's sport activity is bad, but just be mindful of these things they have a way of consuming your time and effort.

Proverbs 16:18 'Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.'


Here are some books we have read and enjoyed over the years!
the BIBLE:
Adam and Eve, Genesis 2:21-25, 3:16-21
the Virtuous Wife, Proverbs 31:10-31
the book of Song of Solomon is a beautiful love letter
Marriage and Divorce, Mark 10:1-12
Principles of Marriage, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16
Love- the Greatest Gift, 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Marriage- Christ and the Church, Ephesians 5:22-33
Christian Home, Colossians 3:18-25
Submission to Husbands and a Word to Husbands, 1 Peter 3:1-7
Law Concerning Divorce, Deuteronomy 24:1-5
 -There is so much wisdom from God's word, He is the great counsel 

'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapmen
'Love Dare' by Alex and Stephen Kendrick
'For Men Only' and 'For Women Only' by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
'Songs in the Key of Solomon' by Anita Renfroe
'Sexperiment: 7 Days to Lasting Intimacy with Your Spouse' by Ed and Lisa Young

Oh my, how our love has multiplied!