Now of course we encourage the common; please, thank you, no ma'am, and yes ma'am, but these manners are ones that speak primarily to boys that embolden them to be men.
You may be asking yourself what qualities am I speaking of when I say men. The qualities I want my boys to have are to be leaders of their home, rooted in faith, responsible, loving, respectable, a hard worker, and one who knows how to be a servant.
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Have a Nice Fall, See You Next Year!- I will often clap and say, "nice one," when one of my kids fall. Of course if there is blood or looks serious I will treat it as so. The point is not to cause a scene when no foul has been done. Giving them a taste of physical toughness.
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Boys Don't Cry- First off that's a total myth. We like to say, "is this worth crying over?" If two of the boys are playing and crash heads, resulting in one of them getting a busted lip there might be reason for a few tears. But if they are crying because someone isn't sharing or they didn't get their way, that's what we consider not worth crying about. The goal is to help develop appropriate responses to their emotions.
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Golden Rule- 'So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.' Matthew 7:12 NIV
And another saying that goes hand in hand with this is 'two wrongs don't make a right.' I'm sure you've "never" heard of these, but they are ever so prevalent. I'm feel like a broken record repeating these sayings to my boys. Our aim is to have our boys be a positive influence on this world.
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Shortcomings- 'You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speak from your brother's eye.' Matthew 7:5 NIV
Kids learn best from our examples, rather then us telling them the correct way. As a parent, I can't express the importance enough to tell your kids you are sorry when you do something wrong. Don't get me wrong I know all too well how hard it is to break down that 'I'm the parent' complexion when trying to admit your wrong to them. When you do, you are showing them its ok to be wrong, but more importantly how to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes I like to emphasize the intention, but other times I am just flat out wrong.
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Forgiveness- 'For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.' Matthew 6:14,15 NIV
I believe, one of the biggest burdens many adults have from their childhood in-regards to grudges is not to be able to forgive and move on. It's by no means easy. In a way to hopefully make it slightly better on the next generation we need to ensure they learn how to ask for forgiveness and how to forgive a lot. My boys seem too often in quarrels and once it's settled they always have to ask for forgiveness. If I feel they are not sincerely forgiving I will make them hug to get a good laugh out of them.
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Accidents Happen- When those unintentional uh-ohs happen they need to be quick to make sure the one who got hurt is ok. Show concern, try to resolve the problem on their own. The younger one still tends to come back to me to shed a few tears before moving on, but the older two are catching on to this concept. Even when they spill something(especially on my fleshly mopped floor) we try not to get angry, but emphasize for them not to panic and think quickly how to resolve the problem (like grabbing a towel!). Notice I said 'try' not to get angry, we are still working on reactions!
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No 'I' in Team- This seems particularly hard for boys. Not every team wins, nor do you win every game. We always make sure to say how proud we are of their performance. The oldest two have been playing competitive sports for a couple of years now. We also stress the importance of playing their best. Sometimes they get on teams that wins a lot, and sometimes you can tell the team is all pretty new and struggles. As well as no one likes a show boat. Teams in essences work together. Do your best and be proud of your team for their effort, win or lose. And if you're going to be a sore loser don't play at all. This is really hard for my oldest, mainly because he has such high expectations for himself. This will take time and repetitive correction. The reward is guiding your young son to learn how to work cooperatively, positively and how to be an encourager to others.
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Servant Heart- Again this one is best illustrated through example. So how are you serving? Right now we are serving in our Church as AWANA Leaders. The program is great, teaches directly from the bible, and our kids love it. Have you noticed kids out of high school getting less and less interested in church. I have to make some correlation between the constantly being fed (spiritually) youth to the 'what do we do now' young adults. I believe that gap is the passion to serve others rather than themselves. I hope when my boys are out of that program they seek areas where they can return some of the effort others have given them. For many years we have participated in the Operation Christmas Child. Its a great way to reach a world where they receive so little, and around this time of the year it is a great way to get your kids involved. Also this year for one of our kids gifts for Christmas they will pick an animal to give to a third world country.
I could probably go on and on, but these seem pertinent for us lately. The book of Matthew is really great study with your kids on how to resolve conflicts and how Christians are suppose to act. I'll be the first to admit my boys do not have these concepts down pat, but we are striving ...
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/what-we-do/operation-christmas-child/
http://awana.org/on/demandware.store/Sites-Awana-Site/default/Default-Start?gclid=CJDBxaKVhrsCFWRk7AodXFAAQQ
Next post will be another great recipe!
