10 Blissful Years of Marriage: Part 2

10 years ago ...

Some of these things we learned early on, and some did come later. Either way, by keeping these things in mind to avoid it has significantly helped us!

5 things we Keep Out of our Marriage:

1.) Playing with fire. Have you ever heard, 'don't play with fire, or you'll get burn'? You can't toy with temptation and not expect to get tempted. I don't think its too far fetch to imagine a spouse cheating when they are often going to bars, clubs, or hanging out a lot with the opposite sex. There have been times when one of us has hanged out with co-workers, or college friends, with out the other, but that is the exception not the rule. Girls (or guys) if you text your guy (or girl) BFF about stuff you won't reveal to your spouse, you are asking for trouble. Also we have made a point that if the other ask us to respectively un-friend or stop talking to someone, we do it! A 'friend' is not worth the fight. Which if you ask me there is just certain common rules you have to have when having friends that are the opposite sex. But that is strictly just me. I do think that whatever you and your spouse agree on for boundary lines with opposite sex friends, you should follow them respectively.

Matthew 26:41 (NKJV, as well as all the others) 'Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.'

(Here are some more verses that speak about this 1 Corinthians 6:18, and Proverbs 6:27-29)

2.) Bad advise. Everyone has advise; about parenthood, life, success, finance, marriage, career ... But as my father-in-law put it 'you don't take financial advise from someone who is going broke.' Seek older couples that seem to be happy (I say 'seem' because we all have flaws). Go to marriage conferences, read studies together, and pray together. But please don't listen to your co-worker about marriage when he is one wife two and seemingly unhappy with their marriage. Or take advise from your friend that seems to do nothing but complain about their spouse. Also guard your lips, don't speak ill of your spouse. At the bottom I'll list some books we have done and enjoyed.

Proverbs 19:20-21 'Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days. There are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the Lord's counsel-- that will stand.'

3.) Culture views. Wow I could go on and on about this ... Lets just say that the world's view and God's view of marriage is strikingly different. The world says 'I love you, until xyz (may it be bankruptcy, adultery, slander, or just when until I get tired of you).' God looks at marriage like He looks at the church, how many times have we seen the church fail?! (Look at Ephesians 5:2-33) Don't get me wrong there are certain things that permit divorce in God's word. My point is now people take it for a salt of grain and throw it over their shoulder. Marriage takes effort people, a lot! The hope is at some point it gets easier. I think I'm getting a glimpse of that now, but I know the road ahead of us is long.

Romans 12:2 'And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed be the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.'

4.) Anger. Truly there is no room for anger or bitterness when trying to love someone. Holding that emotion against your spouse does not allow you to love them fully, and will eventually seep out into other aspects of your life. Bring up the past is another way of holding a grudge, and you can't move forward or grow when you keeping going back (to whatever you won't let go). If something is bothering you don't let it get to your boiling point. Talk about it, tell your spouse why it bothers you and work on an prevention measures if necessary.

Proverbs 15:1 'A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word turns up anger.'

5.) "It's all about Me' syndrome. You know the I have to have it my way, when I say, and how I like it type. Or the it's all about what I want to do. What I am interested in, does it please me, am I happy. When one of you (and sometimes we take turns!) have this mind set it can often leave the other spouse left out, alone, or even mad. There are times when one of us needs to escape or spends time on our self, that helps build up our self and/our marriage or just for plain sanity reasons! I often go shopping and run errands with all four kids (mind you I am with them pretty much all the time), and some times it is a huge relief to go grocery shopping by myself. A couple of months ago my husband went to a men's conference with his father and brother. We all have hobbies and interest, but be careful they don't take over all your time! Lets say you like to golf (mind you there is nothing wrong with golf) you go every Saturday to golf which takes at least 4 hours, this coming Saturday you miss your kids game because it was during your 'you' time. Are you then putting yourself over your family? Not to say missing one game of your child's sport activity is bad, but just be mindful of these things they have a way of consuming your time and effort.

Proverbs 16:18 'Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.'


Here are some books we have read and enjoyed over the years!
the BIBLE:
Adam and Eve, Genesis 2:21-25, 3:16-21
the Virtuous Wife, Proverbs 31:10-31
the book of Song of Solomon is a beautiful love letter
Marriage and Divorce, Mark 10:1-12
Principles of Marriage, 1 Corinthians 7:1-16
Love- the Greatest Gift, 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Marriage- Christ and the Church, Ephesians 5:22-33
Christian Home, Colossians 3:18-25
Submission to Husbands and a Word to Husbands, 1 Peter 3:1-7
Law Concerning Divorce, Deuteronomy 24:1-5
 -There is so much wisdom from God's word, He is the great counsel 

'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapmen
'Love Dare' by Alex and Stephen Kendrick
'For Men Only' and 'For Women Only' by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
'Songs in the Key of Solomon' by Anita Renfroe
'Sexperiment: 7 Days to Lasting Intimacy with Your Spouse' by Ed and Lisa Young

Oh my, how our love has multiplied!

10 Blissful Years of Marriage, Part 1

 Travis

 December 3, 2004

                     

Jamie (Me)

Wow, I can't believe it has been 10 years! Okay, Okay the 'blissful' might be a touch of an exaggeration. Our marriage seems so second nature right now, but I vividly remember those early years of chaos. We were young (17 and 19 to be exact), had no financial set-up, Travis was steadily working on his bachelor's degree, we both had full time jobs, and often had other family members living with us (yes us, the young newly weds)! True now with four boys from 9 years (well about to be 9 years old in a few days) to an almost 2 year old, things are seemingly chaotic at times. But those first few years were certainly the toughest. And I know we have many more years of unexpected journeys ahead of us. There has been many bumps and curves, but we have found a few things to keep us steady. I will first post about the 5 things we keep in our marriage and next will be the 5 things we keep out of our marriage.

5 things we Keep in our Marriage:

1.) Spouse's desires above your own. Yes it's true, first priority is God but your spouse comes second. If you come into a marriage with the mindset of, 'would this please my spouse?' you will truly be ahead of the game! Even now, as this is the busiest time of the year with my husband's job, if I have time I pick up slack on the house chores that he usually does. If he has to work at home I might take all kids to karate practice so he can work a little in silence. Or when he really desires something I try to find a way in the budget to see it gets done. As well, if he knows I really want new clothes or shoes he always says, 'get it'. He knows I know the budget and wouldn't ask for it if I knew we couldn't afford it. There might be other things we could buy with the money, but every once in awhile it's okay to splurge. It's also in all those little things we do everyday. Like when its the weekend and you both are working on your own little projects around the house, asking if he needs a drink when you go and get yourself one. When you get up to get yourself a late night snack, do you ask if they want anything (I'll admit I'm not the best at this)? Or do you make sure to spend reasonable amount of money for lunches so there is money in budget for you to pick up dinner one night to give her a break from cooking? Do you earnestly try to pick up your clothes and put them into the dirty clothes basket, instead of the floor, because you know it drives her crazy? Marriage is a work-in-progress relationship, but always putting your spouse above yourself will definitely keep it moving forward.

Philippians 2:3 (NKJV) 'Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.'

2.) Always forgive. Oh ... all the 'intense fellowship' (as we call them) we have had. How to properly load the dishwasher, what's included when you do the dishes, why we are always late (Jamie's Time, as he calls it), and on and on the list goes. We still might have a few of these 'intense fellowships,' luckily not as often. But I think it boils down to what is an acceptable standard, is this really worth the argument and forgiveness. I hate doing dishes! I hate even more having food left out, especially over night. So the agreement is he does dishes (loads however he wants as long as food is off when they are done, we do have a dishwasher), and if there are too many for one load he at least washes the dishes off for next load. Yes, there will be more important things to argue about. Like backing each other up when disciplining the kids. Again agree on terms, stand by them, and forgive each other of mistakes. We will all make them. That's another thing, admit you are not perfect ... you make mistakes too (this again is more my problem, I like to say it's a woman thing)! There will be even more pressing issues ... but still is it worth having a marriage in division? Who wants a marriage with constant discord? Right the wrong, forgive and move on. 

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) 'And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.'

3.) Budget. Set a budget together. Know what your income is, what your bills are, and where any other money is going. We have made a spreadsheet, has everything on it! We have always paid bills first, set money aside for food and gas, and the rest is extra (of course we like to set aside for all those unexpected cost too, like new tires). If there is something we want that might be a big purchase we discuss it before buying. Maybe it's because we started with nothing, but we have always had one checking account. Sure there are some very valid reasons why not to ... but if this is a marriage you have got to trust and work together with your finances. I have always heard finances is one of the top reasons for divorce, and I believe it! If nothing else, it can be very stressful at times. Since we got a house, we have also made a list of projects around the house we want to do. We talk about it, set goals, and prioritize them by what needs to be done and what is more of a luxury.

Luke 14:28 (NKJV) 'For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it'

Hebrews 13:5a (NKJV) 'Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things you have.'

4.)Communicate. This will also make #3 a lot easier. Be direct, say what you mean. Not being direct only leads to frustration. I use to want him to 'know' what I wanted without me having to tell him. But I've come to realize that is just not realistic (at least with my spouse). True at times he does know, but being upfront with things makes it clear. Also talking about what each of you need out of the marriage is important too. I know Travis is not the best gift giver (and to be fair I am not always easy to please) so if I really want something I tell him exactly what I want. For example I gave him several options for mother's day gift that I would like (I got a kitchen aid), and I have to say he did great! Or for instance (we let the boys pick a small gift for each parent) I told him I would like the boys to get me new warm pajamas for Christmas one year, and he took them to the store and helped them pick out something he knew I would like (pj bottoms with pockets and they have a lot of green in it). Other times I might just tell him I am feeling lonely, and we need some 'us' time. So he might try to focus a little more on making sure we get some quality time in. He might tell me he feels not needed, or under appreciated. Knowing one of his love languages is words of affirmation, I might try to be more verbal about thanking him when he does something for us. I don't know when you might manage to fit communication in with your spouse, but we find ourselves talking late at night right before bed. Not always meaningful, but also the small things like; how was work, did you finish that project, how were the kids today, what are our plans this weekend, etc. ...

Matthew 5:47 (NKJV) 'But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

5.) Dating. Our date nights mainly consist of a movie rental and late night snack now, but we make the time! We are actually about to go on a double date night with friends to see a Christian comedian (Tim Hawkins, he is awesome!). We also enjoy outings with the family, every year we go look at Christmas lights. And this year being our 10 year anniversary I really want to go to Santa Land (near Tyler, Texas), it's a drive for us and a little pricey but knowing how much I enjoy this (as the rest of the family too) we are going this year! We enjoy our family (hint the four kids!) which also means we enjoy time together as a family. Yes, there should be some nice, quiet, without kids, dates too! But with kids our age, that is hard to manage. Why not make it a family outing? Keep the romance going! What ever that means to you (hint guys: this might not always be dinner), it could be little gifts like; flowers, chocolate, fruit basket, etc. Find out what romance means to each of you (and also just things you like to do) and make it happen!

Proverbs 5:18-19 (NKJV) 'Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breast satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.' 

Part 2 will come soon! 

 

10 years later!

My Thanksgiving Favorites!

The Ham! I know traditionally it's turkey, but we decided to switch it up this year. Ham for Thanksgiving and turkey for Christmas. DISCLOSURE this is not a picture of my ham, sorry so busy cooking and everything I forgot to take a picture! Goal for next year. Yes we had a Thanksgiving meal with my side of the family last week, and on Thanksgiving we will have a meal with husband's family.

Ham
Ingredients:
Ham
2 cups water
2 beef bouillon cubes
12-14 oz can of pineapple chunks
small jar of cherries (won't use cherries, just the juice)
toothpicks to hold pineapple chunks on ham

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350.
Put ham in roasting pan.
Add 2 cups of water with the 2 cups of beef bouillon.
I cooked ham on 350 degrees for 20 per pound. Last 30 minutes I took it out, made sure it was 165 degrees with meat thermometer. 
Took pineapple chunks out of can and stuck them on ham with toothpicks. Then poured the juice over ham. Next I held back the cherries with the lid of the jar, and poured the juice over ham.
Put ham back in oven for the last 30 minutes. Turned out juicy!

Classic Green Bean Casserole
Ingredients:
1 cup of milk
pepper to taste
2 - 10 oz can of cream of mushrooms soup
2 - 14.5 oz cans of cut green beans, drained
Approx. 2 cups of french fried onioins

Directions:
In 9x13 baking pan mix all ingredients (except french fried onions).
Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.
Stir, then top with french fried onions. I like to just go on outside. Bake additional 5 minutes.

Newest Addition - Corn Casserole (A friend once shared her recipe, of course I lost it and had to find one similar online. It turned out great!)
Ingredients:
15 oz can of whole kernel corn, drained
15 oz can of cream-style corn
1 package of Jiffy Corn Muffin mix (8oz)
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup melted butter
1 cup of shredded cheese

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Mix all ingredients together (except cheese) in 9x9 greased pan.
Bake for 45 minutes, until middle has settled.
Take out, sprinkle on 1 cup of cheese. Put back in oven for 5-10 minutes.

Pecan Pie- Husbands favorite!
Ingredients:
Pre-made 9in. pie crust (I like the frozen kind, make sure to poke with holes and bake first)
1 cup white corn syrup
1 cup light brown sugar
1/3 tsp salt
1/3 melted butter
3 eggs
2 cups pecan halves
1 tsp vanilla extract

Directions:
Cook pie crust as directions indicate.
Mix eggs in small bowl and put aside. Mix all other ingredients (expect pecans) in separate bowl, then stir in the eggs.
Put pecan halves onto plate (make sure they are spread out) and put in microwave for 2 minutes. When done put the pecans in pie crust. Next, add the filling into the pie crust. Place pie on cookie sheet in cause some spills over. (Lesson learned first time I made it.)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees and cook for 30 minutes add time if middle is not settled.

Well this is certainly not all that was on our table, but those are our favorites! Hope this helps any last minute cookers looking for a new way to cook something.

Up next will be a tribute to my upcoming 10 year anniversary with my amazing husband!

Thanksgiving Break

Phew ... it's finally here, Thanksgiving Break! I don't know what your busy life schedule includes, but we have been anticipating this break. Break from school and our regular humdrum schedule. Looking forward to the FOOD, some great fall weather so kids can play outside, and spending some quality time with family.

This is a picture of all my boys playing outside on our trampoline. They slept in (well most of them), and when they all got up and realized how warm it looked outside the first thing they did was to ask to go outside. Of course I couldn't say no, they were still in their pajamas. You truly have to enjoy this fall weather when you can, because here in Texas it doesn't last long.

Some of the things on my check-off-list to do this break are:
- Buy some Christmas and birthday gifts.
- Finish up sewing project (making tote bag from old jeans and dress).
- Go through the dreaded mail and shred all the dang credit cards they try to send to us! Or other junk mail that has any personal information on it, uhh I hate doing this!
- Let kids play outside as much as possible! Seriously you never know when it's going to get too cold or wet here.
- Of course eat lots of food, THANKSGIVING is the best!
- Spend time with family outside our immediate family while we can.
- RELAX try not to consume every moment with something planned to do, this is actually really hard for me to do.

As far as teaching what Thanksgiving is really about to our kids, I did a few different things this year. First I have always heard about a 'Thankful Tree' there are many pre-planned ideas online, but never did one. I decided just to do one of my own, I got some construction paper and make a tree trunk with a few branches. Nothing fancy as you can see. Cut out some leafs using different fall colors on construction paper. Then as a family (about once a week until Thanksgiving) we sit around our table think about what we are thankful for, and put it on a leaf. Sam (my sweet pea, now 3 y.o.) put down ones like; God and cousins. Matt (my rambunctious 5 y.o.) actually came up with some very biblical ones like; Jesus and that Jesus rose on the 3rd day. Josh (my practical 8 soon to be 9 y.o.) came up with ones like; our house, bible, sports, and family. I thought about what Daniel (my spunky now 20 mon. old) likes and wrote down things like; candy and cars. Dad was very insightful and wrote things down like; heater, home cooked meals, and a job. I put down things like; coffee and warm clothes. We all put down; friends, veterans, and grandparents. We still need to add some, but this was so simple and really made them think about how blessed we are.

I also just printed out some thanksgiving pictures, that they colored. We talked about how the Pilgrims came over and had a very rough first year in America. How the Indians helped us learn how to grow corn and other things for food. The first Thanksgiving the Pilgrims and Indians gathered together to celebrate their friendship and the hardship they had overcome. They used watercolors to paint the Mayflower. My oldest has learned some more facts in history but, really just used an informal way to learn and talk about Thanksgiving. 


1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NKJV) 'in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.'

Up next on my blog will be my Thanksgiving Menu!

What is on My Lunch Menu

Grilled Cheese and Egg Sandwich

We first got the Egg Sandwich recipe from my sister-in-law, we just added our own twist to it. Thanks Kim! It now has become a weekend favorite.

What You Need:

Bread (slices depends on how many sandwiches you will make)
Eggs (boiled, estimate 1 per sandwich)
Miracle Whip (1 heaping tablespoon per egg)
Butter (to spread on sandwiches)
Cheese (I used velveeta and mozarella)

Step 1.                                             

Boil eggs.
The best way I (well actually my husband found this out online, we tried it and love it!) have found to boil eggs is to put eggs in pan, fill with water a little above the eggs, put on stove to boil, once it reaches a good boil turn off heat, leave on burner and put on the lid, then set the timer for 10 minutes.

 Fill pan with cold water. Let them sit for a few minutes to cool off. Then I empty water. Set eggs on counter, so I can use the pan to put the egg shells in. I tap an egg on the counter, then roll it. This cracks the whole egg.

 I get a piece of the shell and try to grab that thin layer under it, then it peels nicely.

 Had to take this picture of my helper peeling eggs with me.

Oh I love this egg slicer! I am sure I just bought it at Walmart or something. It first cuts them into wedges then smaller slices if you want.

I used four eggs. Kids wanted a boiled egg on the side of their grilled cheese sandwich.

 Since I used four eggs I added four heaping tablespoons of miracle whip.

 Use a spoon to mix. This is what the egg mixture looks like.

 Now I prepare for the grilled cheese sandwiches. We love to use velveeta, and I had some left over mozzarella slices I used too.

 I went ahead and spread the butter on the bread. I like to put butter on both sides!

Yep, that's how high our stack is. Almost the whole loaf.

 Next, I put one slice of bread on the griddle then add a piece of each of the types of cheese, then add the other piece of bread. I love my griddle, it works great for grilled cheese sandwiches, french toast and pancakes (and more, but that's what I can think of)! Also great to bring when camping.

 For those of us who wanted the egg in sandwich, I opened the grilled cheese sandwich right after I put it on the plate. Then added a good amount of egg mixture.

Yes, we use paper plates. Its lunch and its the weekend, don't judge me.

 End result. This is what kids plates looked like.
One day they will appreciate my new meals, right ?!?









This is what our plates looked like.

Yes, that is ketchup on our plates. We dip our grilled cheese and egg sandwich in it, don't  you?

Things I Ask Myself as a Mom

I am not sure if its because I live with five boys (yes, including the husband!) as I have no girls to compare to, but I often hear myself repeating these same questions!

Things I Ask Myself as as Mom...

- How did that get there? Like crayon marks on my walls, stuffed TMNT Ninja in my bed, marbles in my shoe, toy snake in husband's boots, hot wheel cars in shoes, lotion squeezed out on rocking chair, can food in drawer under stove, etc.

- How does he sleep like that? To unusual positions to weird places. Some weird places they fall asleep would be in my closet (hiding), down the hallway, in highchair (during dinner), on bathroom floor (without pull-up on, after pooping mind you), and the latest on the staircase.

- Why can't they pee in the toilet? Not on the lid, seat, around the toilet, floor, trash can by the toilet,   on the rug around the toilet, in bathtub etc.

- What did he just say? Oh the things, like; poopy head, peebuddy, fart face, Bobby head (not sure where this came from?), and basically anything else to do with pooping or farting.

- What is that sound? Usually silence is scary, but with these boys its NEVER quiet. Constant noise. From hearing them jumping off something upstairs, spilling legos everywhere, crying (the hurt cry), belching, farting, making up songs while they poop, ninja fighting, rolling down the stairs (themselves or toys), etc.

Yep, that's my BOY!

Nehemiah 8:10b 'Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.'

I am laughing out lout as I am recalling some of these things (yes they all have happened). But sometimes as they are actually happening it is not so funny. I have to constantly remember my strength is in the Lord. And BOY do I need strength with these 4 boys (especially that second child, gotta LOVE him)!

Fall, My Favorite Season of the Year

Sometimes all I can do is just stand in awe of God's wonderful creation around me. Fall is my favorite season! Today as the kids and I were outside, there were about 10 butterflies fluttering around the flowers in our yard! It was so BEAUTIFUL.

Why I Love Fall-

The sun is shining bringing warmth, but there is a nice cool breeze

Tree leaves are changing colors and falling

There are still some flowers

Butterflies are everywhere

Time to pull out the sweatpants and sweaters

I love wearing the fall color, plum

Using my crock pot to make stews and soups

Baking cookies all the time

Drinking lots of hot tea, coffee and chocolate

Candles that smell like apple-cinnamon or pumpkin pie

Going to sleep feeling cool enough for a warm comforter

Cuddles in blankets

Open windows and not using the heater or ac

THANKSGIVING a time to cherish what family, friends, and food we have!

Genesis 1:14 'Then God said, "Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years;'